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I was on my way to Jake’s house for a sex date - my first sex date with a straight cis-man* after nine years of dating cis-women. We swap stories of nerve-wracking penis-pleasing attempts, of heartbreaking rejection by former queer lovers, and of the struggle to maintain a queer identity alongside a penis-and-vagina sex life. Once you can see the penis as a big clit, and the shaft as reorganized labia, it all makes sense. Then I remember that dildos don’t care whether the person using them is a man, woman, or machine. Just because you’re having “straight sex” doesn’t mean the sex you’re having needs to be heteronormative, traditional, or gender-role defined. The thing about bisexual queerness is that it’s often socially determined by the body parts and gender identity of your partner. No matter who you date, half of your sexual identity is invisible. If your queer community is backing away, if you’re questioning your identity, and even when you’re about to give that first blow-job, just remember - us queer folk were built to break the mold and be brave, no matter who ends up in our bed.
Penises aren’t that hard to operate, I kept telling myself as I rounded his block just one more time, they’re just out there, ready to go! Finally, I texted him, idling my car in his driveway. My first lap around the cunnilingus track was terrifying.